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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760209">Growing Pains</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Readers_Muse/pseuds/The_Readers_Muse'>The_Readers_Muse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Van Helsing (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama &amp; Romance, F/M, Gen, Pre-Relationship, Trauma, Vampires</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:07:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,520</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Readers_Muse/pseuds/The_Readers_Muse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>To each their own, he supposed.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Flesh | Phil Fleishman &amp; Lucky, Flesh | Phil Fleishman/Lucky, Mohamad &amp; Flesh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Growing Pains</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Disclaimer: I don't own Netflix's "Van Helsing" or any of its characters, wishful thinking aside.</p><p>Authors Note #1: I really liked how protective Mohamad got in late season 1-2 over Flesh. This is meant to set the stage for the scene in 2x05 when Phil and Lucky kiss in the diner.</p><p>Warnings: vampires, blood drinking, past trauma, hurt/comfort, drama, angst, pre-relationship, Mohamad third wheeling but with all those adorable protective vibes</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Listen, Flesh. You can't go around telling people what you used to be. Okay? Just shut up and give."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, these are good people. They'll understand."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Wake up to the world that we live in, man. We used to kill people at the hospital for taking too much soup."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah, but we have to trust someone sometime - otherwise there's no point."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Listen. Alright? Shut your mouth and roll up your sleeve. Just make sure they don't give me any."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>"You told her?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What'd I say to you? Don't tell. Don't. Like, wha-what part of that don't you understand? "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No, you don't understand, Mohamad. Lucky's a friend. We can trust her."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You can't trust anybody. Believe me, I know."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What does that mean?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Nothing. Can you get the nurse? I need another pill."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yeah. Um, hey, Jolene? Uh, Mohamad could use some-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm gonna have to ask you to come with us. We have a few questions for you."</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>He kept quiet until Flesh went down to the creek to refill their canteens. Until it was clear he wasn't going to be coming back anytime soon. That was when he turned to Lucky and fixed her with a look. Waiting until she raised her eyes from where she was disassembling a Glock. Eyebrows flicking up, but waiting for him to broach whatever was on his mind.</p><p>And hell if he didn't have a god damned list.</p><p>"I told him not to tell you," he started lowly. Determined to deliver the accusation carefully enough that it wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass later. Only it didn't work. Because part way through, he realized how much he was actually in his feelings about this. How the idea of Flesh being kept in a cage until someone got fed up and put a bullet in him refused to sit right.</p><p>Which was ironic, considering how they'd treated him in the beginning.</p><p>Like a leper or worse.</p><p>
  <em>When had that changed anyway?</em>
</p><p>"I told him not to trust you. But he wanted to, felt like he owed you that much, especially when the need for blood came up. Too damn selfless for his own good- didn't want to risk making anyone sick or something. Who knows if he even can? He told me you were a friend, that you could be trusted. ...And you turned him in."</p><p>Her chin jerked up, guilty and defensive.</p><p>"I made a mistake. But I made it right. Got <em>you</em> out, didn't we?" she snapped, unintentionally smearing gun oil across her cheek as she tossed her cleaning rag to the side. "I trusted the wrong person with something I didn't know how to wrap my head around. It wasn't a decision I could've made alone anyway, not with a good chunk of the Resistance at stake. I didn't know what they were going to do. ...No one would listen to me."</p><p>Which, okay, that was fair.</p><p>It wasn't like they hadn't all made some questionable decisions when it came to Flesh before. Or at least thought about it. The others had wanted to kill him more than once - him and the Doc. And frankly, he got that. Flesh hadn't just been a liability, he'd been the enemy. He'd killed people, drank their blood, turned them. For most people that was enough.</p><p>Fuck knows what being like that does to your head.</p><p>And he should know.</p><p>They'd changed Sheema without giving her the bite.</p><p>Personally, he hadn't trusted him in the beginning. Still, he hadn't been able to shake the fact that Flesh was human. He'd been human when he'd crawled out of the garbage chute. Human when he wiped his face and blinked up at them, haloed in the glow of the UV lights - rank and terrified. Human when he'd pleaded for his life with blue eyes. <em>Human eyes</em>. Human when he told them he could feel. Human when he'd screamed himself awake from that first nightmare. Human when he'd choked on his first meal in over three years - staring down at his plate with an expression no one could stand to look at for long because it was just that heavy.</p><p>"Why do you call him that anyway?" she asked, working a pipe-cleaner down the barrel of the Glock. Every movement precise and practiced and <em>yeah-</em> pretty damn badass as she watched him with eyes that were almost hard. Like she was taking his measure and was aware he was doing the same.</p><p>"What, Flesh?"</p><p>She nodded, turning to scan the tree-line before looking back at him.</p><p>"Because that was what he wanted us to call him at the hospital," he said with a shrug. "I don't think anyone really cared he had one until he walked outside and stopped them from breaking in. Never seen anything like it. He just- walked out there and drove them off. Cut his arm so they could smell his blood. Basically made Vanessa into the boogeyman, I guess. It gave us enough time to get the generators fixed for the UV lights. At least for a little while. I'm not sure if he wanted to die or atone, but I think we started giving a damn after that. Vanessa and Axel were out there getting a part when the lights went out, if he hadn't done what he did, we'd all be dead. Them and us. But mostly us. Vanessa can take care of herself."</p><p>He let it rest there for a long moment before asking a question of his own.</p><p>"Why do you call him Phil?"</p><p>The aggressive tilt to her chin was back as she snapped the clip into the Glock with a sharp sound. Something that probably would have made the hairs on his arms stand up if his nervous system wasn't so god damned confused.</p><p>"That's what he told me his name was," she returned flatly. "In the factory."</p><p>"Huh," he offered. Wondering if he should start calling him that too, or if he really cared to ask when he could barely keep his eyes open. More or less flashing back to the moment with Vanessa and Axel before they left for the sub-basement. <em>How do you get a tag like 'Flesh' anyway?</em> "Maybe he decided he wanted to start over."</p><p>"Doesn't seem like much too ask, considering what he's been through," Lucky returned. Making him add a mental post script to his previous train of thought. Wondering if he should be thinking about why Flesh had chosen to tell Lucky his real name, and not them. He didn't know how to feel about that, to be honest.</p><p>He frowned, irritated and curious when her words sank in.</p><p>"Why, what did he tell you?"</p><p>"Nothing," she answered honestly. "Just that he was turned in the beginning - on his way home from work when the vampires made their move after the eruption. And until a couple weeks ago, he was one of them. Then he bit this Vanessa person and her blood turned him human. ...But it's clear he's been round the block. Heard a lot of bullshit since everything went to hell, his story isn't one of them."</p><p>He coughed, wincing. Wound throbbing.</p><p>The cocaine must be wearing off.</p><p>
  <em>God, now that was a phrase he'd never thought would cross his mind ever.</em>
</p><p><em>His life was literally one train wreck after another.<br/>
</em><br/>
"Here," she urged, handing him the cup from her thermos. "That's the last of it until he gets back. How are you feeling?"</p><p>"Thanks," he rasped gratefully, knocking it back as she frowned. Looking like she was going to say something about taking it slow but it was already too late. "And I feel like crap."</p><p>He didn't have the energy to protest when she leaned over and felt his forehead. Wondering if he looked as gross as he felt as the difference in temperature almost made him whimper.</p><p>"You still have a fever," she murmured. Rooting around in her bag, checking an Altoid tin before shaking her head and tucking it back into the inner pocket.</p><p>"Tell me something I don't know," he groaned. Feeling the bark from the tree he was resting against flake off into his hair.</p><p>"It <em>isn't</em> time for your next dose," she deadpanned, without missing a beat.</p><p>He cracked a lid.</p><p>
  <em>Damn, she was good.</em>
</p><p>No wonder Flesh liked her.</p><p>"What's your deal with him anyway?" he asked.</p><p>The stiffness was back in her posture. Making it strained enough that he found himself talking again. Ignoring the saying of 'loose lips sink ships,' for something a bit closer to home. Something that was still bleeding and frayed at the edges where Sam and Sheema used to be.</p><p>"Look, it's none of my business and I'm grateful you're helping me-<em> us</em>. Really, I am. We'd probably be dead otherwise. But what are you doing? I mean, Flesh is going after Vanessa, thinks she's the answer to all this. And he probably isn't wrong. I've seen it, but that has to sound crazy to you – to anyone, right?"</p><p>There was a pause before she answered. Something that only highlighted the absence of any other human sounds. Making him wonder if they were even being followed anymore.</p><p>"I think he's extraordinary, she said softly. "Even before I knew."</p><p>It was a while before she looked up at him, but when she did there was a challenge there. Daring him to disagree. Like she would judge him on how he answered when meanwhile he'd been there when Flesh had crawled out of the garbage chute. Soaked in layers of rotting blood. It had still been dripping off him when they'd come running down the hall, guns drawn. Smeared so thick over his skin and clothes he hadn't gotten a good look at his face until they'd marched him into the laundry room and grabbed the hose. Forcing him to strip as John sprayed him down with cruel eyes. Mercy and guilt dead in the water as Flesh flinched again and again. Feeling the temperature, the biting force of the water, the weight of all the eyes watching, all of it. But mostly he'd been there to see how Flesh hadn't seemed to hold even a hint of a grudge against them for it. Saving them less than twenty-four hours later. Doing the brunt of the grunt work around the hospital. Dragging him out of the woods. How-</p><p>And yeah. Maybe he was kind of extraordinary.</p><p>There was silence for a while before he huffed a tired laugh.</p><p>"I never thought I could be friends with one of them," he offered, knowing the rebuttal was coming before she'd even opened her mouth.</p><p>"He <em>isn't</em> one of them."</p><p>He shook his head. Remembering how Flesh hadn't answered when he'd asked him if it was weird being human again. Part of him still wanted to know. But this time around he'd probably phrase it differently. Wondering if anyone had ever asked him if he was okay. Even once? They'd either had no time for him, thought he was a threat, or some combination of the two.</p><p>"No. But he was. And believe me, for most people that's enough. Like your friends. Like a few of mine in the beginning."</p><p>In the back of his mind he was aware Flesh had been gone for longer than it took to get to the creek and back. Maybe he was taking a piss or jacking off. Maybe he just needed time in his own head. He knew all about that. When you put in with other people privacy went out the window. Hell, he hadn't showered alone for years - when he did have a chance to shower that is.</p><p>He exhaled. Nose crinkling as the slow stale rush felt gritty against his teeth.</p><p>"He told me it was time to start trusting people," he admitted. "Back at the camp before they took him away. He said we have to trust someone, else there was no point."</p><p>She nodded, biting her lip. A wisp of hair escaping her bandanna and fluttering in the breeze.</p><p>"I've been around my fair share of people since the Rising. There's not a lot of genuine people left out there. I went into the factory with a group of six, we all had the same mission. I was the only one left by the time I found him. I heard him calling her name. The Resistance was hitting the place hard and he was trying to find where they were keeping her. Even then I had to respect the conviction. The loyalty."</p><p>He let his head thud back against the trunk.</p><p>It was insane that they'd all been there at the same time and hadn't been able to connect.</p><p>Would it have changed anything?</p><p>Would it have made it worse?</p><p>Where would they be now if Flesh and Lucky had met up with them in the woods before they'd been ambushed?</p><p>"When we took down the generators - blew it all to hell - we came across some others. Taka, one of our leaders had died. Some sort of death match with something powerful it looked like. But Phil? He saw something else. Everyone was praising Taka for fighting the good fight all the way to the end. But in less than a minute, Phil saw the whole picture. That something wasn't right. That Taka might have even been a traitor, I don't know," she told him. Looking off in the direction of the river like she was thinking the same thing he was. That Flesh had been gone a little too long for comfort. "Besides, I told him if he helped me blow the place I would help him find her. And I keep my promises."</p><p>He didn't know what to say to that.</p><p>"Some people just have it, you know?" she hushed after a pause, tucking the loose strand of hair back under her bandanna. Inadvertently smearing the splotch of grease on her cheek at the same time.</p><p>"Have what?" he questioned, coughing a bit. Already wishing there was more water.</p><p>"<em>It</em>," she said significantly. "Something about them that makes you want to put in with them and hang on for the ride."<br/>
<em><br/>
And that was Flesh?</em></p><p>To each their own, he supposed.</p><p>He closed his eyes, mostly to avoid rolling them, and must have fallen asleep somewhere along the line because the next thing he was aware of was Flesh and Lucky talking quietly a couple meters away. Something about how many miles they could put in before dark or trying to find out exactly where they were.</p><p>But mostly he noticed how Flesh was smiling small. The corners of his lips ticking upwards, like he'd almost forgotten how, as Lucky sipped from one of the canteens. Head tilting as he gestured to her cheek. Pointing out the smear of gun oil. Completely missing the way she blushed and ducked her head as he turned back towards the fire.</p><p>He groaned internally.</p><p>
  <em>Great.</em>
</p><p>Now he was apparently also the third-wheel on top of everything else.</p><p>
  <em>Awesome.</em>
</p><p>How was this his life?</p>
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